Saturday, February 05, 2005

You're RIGHT. I'm Wrong.

Thanks to Iraq -- I'm kinda wanting to go over to the other side.

Okay, well, maybe not that side, but I sure think that nowadays, it's a helluva lot more fun to be a reactionary than to be a liberal.

And less lonely, too.

I'm really running outta gas on this liberal thing. When I write a post nowadays, I feel like a guy opening a Yarmulke Shop in downtown Berlin in 1933. When I satirize a conservative online, I feel like I'm performing a Bris ceremony in the Nuremberg town square.

I'm tired of being a "progressive liberal."


You guys have Bush. And the Bush bloodline -- which apparently won't run out within the next four or five generations. I fully expect The Twins to take office (President AND Vice President!) right after Jeb and Neal get done with their second terms. We have the beginnings of a new apostolic succession that will make the length of the English Monarchy's reign look like the lifespan of a sitcom on WB.

...Meanwhile, we have Ted "not dog food, not yet at least" Kennedy. Or the friggin' 'meltdown man' Howard Dean. Shit, we don't even have Christopher Hitchens anymore -- and we can't appeal to the younger generation because they'd rather own stocks in Google than have an alternative to cardboard castles and dogfood dinners in their too distant old age.

Yall have Kid Rock and Ted Nugent.

Shit, we have... what... Barbara Streisand... and she hasn't made a decent album in decades...

Yall have a real honest-to-god "We're Gonna Kick Yer Ass for Your Own Good" Foreign Policy -- an Imperialist dream of conquering the world that has balls, smells of testosterone, and promises a happy ending.

...We want everyone on the world playground to, as G. Gordon Liddy would say, "play nicey" -- but our outlook is grim, and we don't really see how cool it looks and feels to walk with a swagger and carry a Nice Big Stick. We wanna turn that Cosmic War Mace into toothpicks for the poor. That ain't gonna sell.

Yall have "shock and awe." We have "ommmm..." -- Do I have to point out that this is No Contest?

Yall have a grand plan to "get government out of people's lives", including their kids (kill public schools), their old age (Social Security), the environment ("jobs before air and water!") and their bankrupting illnesses (health care).

...we have a vague plan to... well, I dunno the plan because --- well, it's vague.

And finally, yall have God and His Word on your side -- and the absolute conviction that you're right and whoever disagrees is wrong. You don't tolerate the Fallen and the Sinful, and you can back it up -- every idea in every human realm (moral, legal, intellectual) -- with scripture. You are able to justify anything based on an ancient, best-selling book that nobody can argue with because,"Hey, it says so right here!"

...Meanwhile, we have dozens of competing paganistic, hedonistic ideas that are in agreement on only one issue: that Everything is Relative -- and one should be Tolerant of Others -- especially their lifestyles.

Your constituency is quoting the Bible on one hand -- and playing "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" on the other. They go to church and pray -- and then go home and curse, drink beer, and watch fat men play Gladiator With a Pigskin on TV.

We can't compete with that. All we have to offer is a seat at the Unitarian meeting -- where you can join in on a touchy-feely, pretty bad version of "We Are the World" accompanied by an acoustic guitar-playing lesbian.

We're screwed and I know it.

Red rover, red rover, Shark wants to come over...


Blogger Jaylynn said...

As Walker Percy said, "The only difference between a madman and a mystic... the mystic swims in the sea of insanity in which the madman drowns." Or was that Jackie Mason?

Love ya, Sharkie!

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Bush dynasty might survive you and I but in the long run the shock and awe, swagger, and citizens on oblivion won't last.
This is the Chinese century. They have what, a billion people. And they don't read the Bible. They read history and their's goes back a long ways. They have time on their side. It's a generational thing with them. "Oh wow, I'm tired of being poor, my folks were poor, my grandparents were poor. Oh well, I'll just keep having male children and in maybe 10 generations we 'll own our own trash recycling business."

8:00 AM  
Blogger Shark said...

The Chinese Century -- ouch, has a nice ring to it.

I just read "The Chinese Century" -- available at Wal-Mart. A billion people! Think of the 'market'. For what? Well, don't ask; we're buying more from them than they are from us.

BTW: Today, Feb. 9 is Chinese New Years Day! Happy New Year, everybody! It's the Year of the Rooster, which is traditionally a time of evil, death, and destruction. Seriously. And Bush has another four more years. And Iran has... um... something we need to bomb the shit out of. I think it's Social Security. Iran has Social Security! Be afraid. Be very afraid.

5:53 AM  
Blogger sadi ranson-polizzotti said...

nowhere to put this on other site, so i 'll just pop this in here. I love your Future of Advertising piece. Sadly, it is all too true and not even the future: all you have to do is think of the Paris Hilton ad that did NOT air to know that this is the future of advertising (do you spell with a z or an s in America?).

Many advertisements come to mind, but the Hilton one is probably the most obvious and of course, the absurd Victoria's Secret advertisements that make all women feel grossly insecure because we don't, uh, "naturally", have a double D (as if these are mostly not implants) and a size 2 hipline.

I tell you hon, i've been a size 2, and i've been a size 6, but never ever ever did i have an anomaly of a body that had a woman's top and a prepubescent schoolboy's bottom half (no hips, no shape to the legs, hardly any waist and then these gianormous breasts) and then here comes, sad to say, my favorite, Bob Dylan playin' his guitar.

Can't blame the guy for the bucks and why not? We set him up as some poet, not him. He always claimed to be just who he was: a rock star. If any other rockstar did it, it would be no surprise. but we all artifically elevated Dylan and yes, he was part of that, but not as much as we mythologized him.

I"ve gone way off-topic, but the point is, i agree with your future of advertising and so much of what you write.

It shocks me you do not have a book out (or do you; are you working on one? you should be...)

A mystic and a madman, as Jaylynn said, my answer; there is no difference. One can be both. Shamanism has proved that for centuries, though only socially do we call this 'mad'. It's all relative. To any outsider, a true mystic may appear mad, but if you scratch a little deeper, this "mad" man is often the genius of the group.

Someone told me recently, "Most people i know who run huge corporations are either epileptic or manic depressive." History bears this out... Socrates, Mohammed, Alfred Nobel, Virginia Woolf, Tennyson, Poe, Carroll, Hippocrates (father of all medicine) who said, Where there is melancholia there is epilepsy, where there is epilepsy, there is melancholia.

Okay: so now i've really gone OT ~ but that's how my brain spins.

Rock on Shark.

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