You're RIGHT. I'm Wrong.
Thanks to Iraq -- I'm kinda wanting to go over to the other side.
Okay, well, maybe not that side, but I sure think that nowadays, it's a helluva lot more fun to be a reactionary than to be a liberal.
And less lonely, too.
I'm really running outta gas on this liberal thing. When I write a post nowadays, I feel like a guy opening a Yarmulke Shop in downtown Berlin in 1933. When I satirize a conservative online, I feel like I'm performing a Bris ceremony in the Nuremberg town square.
I'm tired of being a "progressive liberal."
You guys have Bush. And the Bush bloodline -- which apparently won't run out within the next four or five generations. I fully expect The Twins to take office (President AND Vice President!) right after Jeb and Neal get done with their second terms. We have the beginnings of a new apostolic succession that will make the length of the English Monarchy's reign look like the lifespan of a sitcom on WB.
...Meanwhile, we have Ted "not dog food, not yet at least" Kennedy. Or the friggin' 'meltdown man' Howard Dean. Shit, we don't even have Christopher Hitchens anymore -- and we can't appeal to the younger generation because they'd rather own stocks in Google than have an alternative to cardboard castles and dogfood dinners in their too distant old age.
Yall have Kid Rock and Ted Nugent.
Shit, we have... what... Barbara Streisand... and she hasn't made a decent album in decades...
Yall have a real honest-to-god "We're Gonna Kick Yer Ass for Your Own Good" Foreign Policy -- an Imperialist dream of conquering the world that has balls, smells of testosterone, and promises a happy ending.
...We want everyone on the world playground to, as G. Gordon Liddy would say, "play nicey" -- but our outlook is grim, and we don't really see how cool it looks and feels to walk with a swagger and carry a Nice Big Stick. We wanna turn that Cosmic War Mace into toothpicks for the poor. That ain't gonna sell.
Yall have "shock and awe." We have "ommmm..." -- Do I have to point out that this is No Contest?
Yall have a grand plan to "get government out of people's lives", including their kids (kill public schools), their old age (Social Security), the environment ("jobs before air and water!") and their bankrupting illnesses (health care).
...we have a vague plan to... well, I dunno the plan because --- well, it's vague.
And finally, yall have God and His Word on your side -- and the absolute conviction that you're right and whoever disagrees is wrong. You don't tolerate the Fallen and the Sinful, and you can back it up -- every idea in every human realm (moral, legal, intellectual) -- with scripture. You are able to justify anything based on an ancient, best-selling book that nobody can argue with because,"Hey, it says so right here!"
...Meanwhile, we have dozens of competing paganistic, hedonistic ideas that are in agreement on only one issue: that Everything is Relative -- and one should be Tolerant of Others -- especially their lifestyles.
Your constituency is quoting the Bible on one hand -- and playing "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" on the other. They go to church and pray -- and then go home and curse, drink beer, and watch fat men play Gladiator With a Pigskin on TV.
We can't compete with that. All we have to offer is a seat at the Unitarian meeting -- where you can join in on a touchy-feely, pretty bad version of "We Are the World" accompanied by an acoustic guitar-playing lesbian.
We're screwed and I know it.
Red rover, red rover, Shark wants to come over...