Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Chinese New Year: Happy, Happy!

Happy Chinese New Year!

Want to celebrate in the traditional manner?

Burn a CD and send it to 1 billion of your friends.
Copy an American Movie from Horrywood and show it in Tiananmen Square.

I guess we should 'get used to it' -- since this is the First Day of the Rest of China's Life, ie the beginning of "The Chinese Century" -- when the marriage of Wal-Mart and over a billion people will produce a baby that is poor, white, jobless, doesn't speak a friggin' word of English or remember who "Jefferson" was -- but can tell you how many duck coughs it takes to make SARS -- and knows the first name of Chairman Mao's favorite dog.

Did you know that The Year of the Rooster is traditionally a time of death, destruction, and evil on the move? It's so tainted that Chinese women have Caesarian Sections to avoid delivering babies in the Time of the Big Cock.

Speaking of Big Cocks, Death, Destruction, and Evil on the march...

Wow. It just happens to coincide with Bush's reelection. What a fucking coincidence!

The Rooster says this President Chickenhawk is going to invade... let's see, who is it this week...?

Oh yeah, Iran!

Yes, that's right, Iran has.... um...

...something we need to bomb...

Oh. What was it again?

Oh yes, Iran has Social Security! If they don't reform it, we're sending in the ol' "Shock & Awe"!





My good pal, BigDaddio called this "The Chinese Century" in a comment elsewhere.

I agree.

China: they're gonna own the U.S. in five years.

Seriously. And they'll be "free" too!

'Cause these days, "freedom" really means becoming as corrupt, materialistic, and addicted to consumer crap as Americans are.

It wasn't Ronald Raygun who 'defeated' communism; it was Pepsi, Levis, and Rock-n-Roll.

China is building shopping malls faster than they can steal copyrighted and trademarked products to fill them -- so it's just a matter of time.

Now -- if we could just get those wacky Muslims interested in having thirteen different kinds of toilet paper to choose from... get 'em to eat at McDonald's and wear Levi's. Fuck elections. They need PRODUCTS!

** America stands for Freedom, Democracy,
Cholesterol, and Tight-Fitting Pants Made In China **


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