Monday, January 03, 2005

Biblical Shit and Other Stuff

Wow. I was wrong. Bush was right.

And, man, was I wrong; I listened to my pagan instincts; big mistake.

Bush listened to God. ~Whoa. And it turns out that God really can kick Allah's ass if He wants to.

God (aka "Mr. Forgiveness") apparently celebrated the birth of His Son, Savior and Redeemer of Humankind, by saying, "Merry Fucking Christmas. Happy New Year. It's 2005, welcome to Armageddon -- oh, and have you met Tsunami?"

Yep. He finally spoke. It turns out He speaks to Bush all the time, and after September 11, God spoke to George A LOT MORE OFTEN -- and I think he used the word "CRUSADE" and "INVADE" pretty regularly, too.

And of course, God is always right. And just when you get your hopes up -- thinking He's that Touchy-Feely Merciful Guy from the New Testament, He turns around and puts a Cosmic Whupass on the planet.

But you'll notice He doesn't fuck with America. (Other than an occasional whack upside Florida's head; they're mostly Jews down there...) No, God fucks with godless heathens -- more specifically, Muslims in the Asian-Pacific part of the world.

Drown their motherfuckin' asses en masse. No time for Noah, Shem, and Ham; nope, just enough time for a big Cosmic Flyswatter to return some semblence of balance to the region.

Of course, in my stoned vernacular, Gaia always has Her say. Tsunamis are Her way of controlling population. Pandemics are Her way of slowing economic growth. Earthquakes are Her way of telling us not to build obstacles to a nice view of the horizon.


Couple of random thoughts for the New Year.

1) Let's start with some good ol' fashioned American phonetic spellings of some of the more common words we'll be using in 05; can we agree on SOMETHING?

Do you like "Sunami" or Sunamy"?

"Al Kayda" or "Al Kyduh"?

Let me know. This is important.

Speaking of radical muslims and sunamies (sic): where are the richest countries in the world when it comes to these 'aid' and 'assistance' funds?

Y'know -- Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, United Arab Emirate -- those fuckers with all the oil and all of the cash that Bush so readily lusts after?

Where are THEY when it comes time to rebuild the radical, 'Merican-hating madrassas?

Can't they contribute a few billion to help their own in a time of need?

And why am I the only person asking?


BTW: I noticed that the worst natural disaster in contemporary history is up to ONE ENTIRE WEEK on the American NEWS.

Wow! Not bad for a nation suffering from ADD and Compassion Saturation (post-xmas, y'know... enough with the recovering alcoholic bell-ringers!).

I predict we'll be interested for about 3 more days (...where's Florida?) -- until the News Robots run out of new home videos shot by palsied vacationers with DV cameras.

Happy New Year.

Stop Rutting.

That is all for now.


Post a Comment

<< Home