Monday, June 14, 2004

More Good News For Gays

Elder Bush Goes Down on Soldier

COLLEGE STATION, Texas (Rotters) - On Sunday, former U.S. President George Bush celebrated his 80th birthday by donning a black and yellow jump suit and having anal sex while being strapped to a U.S. Army paratrooper.

An airborne Bush waved to the thousands who had gathered for the event as he neared touchdown, and then he slid to a landing across the hot Texas grass near his presidential library.

"That landing was smooth," Bush told reporters, "but the entry was even smoother. This paratrooper apparently had a lot of practice and training."

Bush had planned to jump solo, as he did for his 75th birthday, but a last minute bit of adventure and curiosity caused him to jump in tandem with a buff young Army paratrooper from Dallas.

Asked by reporters why he chose to try airborne sodomy on his 80th birthday, the former president said, "I'm not getting any younger, so I wanted to try some of those things that I wanted to do as a young man, but was too embarrassed to try at the time. At my age, I don't care what people think. Besides, Barbara and I haven't done the wild thing in so long, my prostate felt like the Washington monument. It's good to get off, but it's even better with an Army of One covering your backside."

He was flanked on the ground by members of the U.S. Army's Golden Trojans parachute team, who took the jump with him. Bush dropped at about 120 miles per hour (200 kph) after jumping from about 13,000 feet before his chute was opened.

"Our 'chutes' opened at the same time," the ex-president joked.

Bush said that the height of the jump allowed him time to get a surprise reach-around from his tandem partner.

"I was surprised, and frankly, ecstatic. A jump like that is more than I expected. It was great. We timed it perfectly, too; I got my rocks as soon as we hit the ground. I mean -- what are the
odds?"

Bush said he wanted to send a message to senior citizens to get out, be active, and try alternative sex in experimental positions with homosexual partners.

He was presented with a badge after the event saying that he had completed five jumps, enough to qualify for U.S. Army basic paratroop status. In addition, he was also given a special medal
portraying a condom parachute that read, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Jump Somebody and Give 'Em Hell".

The first time Bush jumped out of an airplane was when he was a U.S. aviator shot down over the Pacific during World War II, some 60 years ago.

The senior Bush was in Texas for two-days of festivities and fanfare to celebrate his 80th birthday.

Bush's fans, friends, and family paid at least $200 each and some as much as $1 million to take part in the charity event which included a baseball game, a party, and a special gathering to watch Bush parachute.

The money from the birthday bash was being used to benefit a special charity -- The Log Cabin Republicans.

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