Tuesday, June 01, 2004

The Future (and past) of Marketing

"Oh, what a world! What a world!" — Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz



Sorry, kids.

I get a referrel from the Blogcritics site, and it's only about a week into my move to this new site.

The Bad News: I'm still unpacking boxes and looking for lost entries and incredibly brilliant observations.

The Good News: It's the first time in my life that I've moved without hurting my back.

Please excuse the mess, though, and don't mind the neighbors. (Interested parties should line up, take a number, and call a friggin' psychiatrist...)

And for more of my greatest hits from the kinda distant past, visit the old site, The Museum of Stupidity -- where you can also see a photo of Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger's tiny penis. (Seriously.)

By the way: did I mention that I used to be in "Marketing"?

Then the 1990s hit. I began asking myself, "This is a solution to what?" everytime I pitched a new campaign or went into one of those dreadful 'sales' meetings.

Very shortly, it became apparent to me that:

1) ...the answer was a big fat "NOTHING, you aide to Satan!"

2) ...if I spent much more time in the world of advertising, I was either going to arrive at one of those meetings with a 9mm Glock -- or I would bypass that 'cultural critique' and just off myself with a 1/4" drill through the forehead as punishment for my past sins.

Anyway, I got out of "the business" -- and into something morally and ethically superior to adverstising: child porno, drug dealing, and trading on the stock market.

I like to think that the world is a better place.

(Although I often fantasize about whippin' that Glock outta my briefcase...)

And for the curious, please visit the last ad I created, the culmination of a twenty-some-odd year career, and the final creative output performed prior to my resignation. It's called, The Future of Advertising.



"Oh, what a wonderful world..." — Louis Armstrong

1 Comments:

Blogger CW Fisher said...

So I see you're still doing the Glock spiel... Now, when you pull it out, and you will eventually, I want you to practice this line: "Well, kids, according to the glock it's time to go home."

And to think that today my little Shark is the featured blogger on Blogcritics. My turn hasn't come yet, I don't think, but when it does, I sure hope lots of people leave me comments, if for no other reason than to prove that BC is worth the effort. If Eric featured you, he might feature me, even though he thinks I'm a communist. He thinks you are too, but you're funnier. Remember months ago when I said we need to leave Iraq? I was a little early. He never forgave me. This is the problem with clairvoyance. The other problem is Clair herself -- she's sick of my antics.

Sharky, my Sharky, let me say only this to your legions of readers. Read the poem to his grandson. And remember that the hand the rocks the cradle also has the Glock. But the hand that rocks the cradle of civilization has even bigger guns -- and no time for blogging.

Bush gave a press conference today and was absolutely ebullient now that the Iraqis have chosen a new band of schmoes to lead them. Blue sky above, birds singing over the respectful questions by "Rich," and "Gene," and "Bobby," and "Lauren," Bush spoke in a rapid clip I've never heard before. He wasn't reading, he wasn't prepped, he was excited. For the first time ever, he sounded like a human being to me.

I think I'll vote for him.

Congrats, Mark, on your new site and newfound independence from your former partner who's now in Hollywood making real money, the phony. Real writers know that writing is not about money but the lack of it. Console yourself with that. He's blind!

6:44 PM  

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