Thursday, May 27, 2004

God Hates Bad Art

Want proof that God exists? Better yet, want proof He intervenes on the earthly plane and has good taste to boot?!

On Tuesday, a fire swept through a warehouse containing a large portion of one of the worst "art" collections in the world, that of Charles Saatchi, art collector and marketing mastermind behind a decade or so of frauds perpetrated in the name of cultural artifacts.

Saatchi, as you might recall, owned the art works featured in the 'controversial' exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum of Art in 1999; the show, "SENSATION" was popularized by a moron of a mayor, (later to become a low-grade "hero") Rudy "But It's Elephant Poop!" Guiliani, whose attempts to keep people from seeing the damaging image of a Virgin Mary accompanied by elephant dung inspired millions of curious visitors to FLOCK to Brooklyn to see the damn thing!

By the way: I use the term "Exhibition" loosely; actually, it was an ad campaign sponsored by a 'non-profit' art museum that was really a tax-exempt profit-chasing marketing whore for an advertising executive who wanted to bump up the prices on -- what else? -- HIS OWN PIECE O' SHIT ART COLLECTION.

Yeah. Saatchi, when not collecting art, makes commercials and produces ads. In other words, he is Satan Incarnate. And what happens when Satan meets P.T. Barnum and is rich enough to buy friends who tell him he has "taste"? Oh boy, this guy makes Madonna look like a blind, autistic amateur with a plywood lemonade stand on the backroad to Bakersfield.

(I should also mention that I have nothing against Chris Ofili's artwork, where an African Black Madonna has a pile of pachyderm poop added to her 'landscape'; it's actually a pretty tame piece next to the rest of Saatchi's hellhole of certifiable ugly, senseless attempts to shock with his twisted, perverted, mindless, faux-intellectual, post-post-modern "YOUNG BRITISH" artist punks. These folks took John Cage's brilliant irony, "...I have nothing to say and I'm saying it..." WAY TOO SERIOUSLY -- and were able to create entire careers based on that concept and a public that could afford the luxury of being depressed by their avant-garde collections of disturbing ugliness.)

Anyway, as a once-raging agnostic, I heard the news about the Saatchi warehouse going up in fire and brimstone (that's a great post-post modern art work now that I think about it!) and got down on my knees and begged God, Jehovah, Allah, Krishna, Jove, and Arthur C. Clarke to forgive my past transgressions and lack of faith in a Supreme, All-Knowing, Just and Vengeful, British Shit-Art Hating Diety.

(Now... if Our Heavenly Father will see fit to strike down all those satanic Museum Directors and their corrupt, baby-eating, puppy-strangling curatorial staffs...)

--- quotes from the story ---

...Millions of pounds worth of artworks in Charles Saatchi's famous collection are feared destroyed in a warehouse fire. Modern art classics including Tracey Emin's tent and Hell, by brothers Jake and Dinos Chapman, may have perished. Monday's blaze swept through an east London industrial estate, where art storers Momart have a warehouse.

...Tracey Emin's tent "Everyone I have ever slept with 1963-5" has 102 names sewn onto the sides including her lovers, her aborted foetuses and relatives she slept with as a child.

[oh. my. god. Quick! Somebody get me a Bouguereau!!!]

...A spokesman for Saatchi said they were still waiting for confirmation about what had been lost, but that Charles was "absolutely devastated".

[Pray to God it's the entire collection!]

...the warehouse also contained works by Turner prize winners Damien Hirst [becoming a young, tortured suicide would perhaps be the best marketing this dickhead could do] and Rachel Whiteread, and the art world is shocked and saddened by the news.

...Brian Sewell, the London Evening Standard's art critic, told BBC News 24 that the blaze "had the makings of an appalling tragedy for the history of contemporary art".

[Sewell must have owned some stock -- or he's going to retire as a consultant to Saatchi; either way, he needs to rip out his own tongue and nail it to a wall at the Tate as redemption for that statement of melodramatic hyperbole.]

...He also said he felt particularly sorry for Momart: "They are one of the most trusted, respected and reliable firms". The company, one of the world's largest specialists in handling fine arts and antiquities, spent Tuesday contacting clients to inform them of the loss.

=== end of excerpt ===

full story


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Shark I’ve been looking for art collector related blogs and I came across yours on God Hates Bad Art during my trawl, so I thought it would be polite to let you know about my visit. You are most welcome to come and visit me at art collector. Bye for now and have a nice day! Artisan.

5:24 PM  

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